Post by Mister Mouse on Nov 4, 2007 8:32:42 GMT -8
So... Mum and Tom came to me a few weeks ago with a deal on my first two years of college... or more like a statement. They said that if I went to the community college for the first two years and stayed at home they would help me pay for schooling, they'd buy my brother's current car off of him and give it to me (he'd get a new one), I'd get free room and board at home (unlike how I'm paying rent now), no curfew would be instituted, they'd pay all the bills I'm currently paying for, and they wouldn't bother me... however, if I go elsewhere I get no help whatsoever.
On another note... this morning Mum came to me and said that if I didn't pick up more of the slack around the house (I do everything already) then they'd find somewhere else for me to live until I'm out of high school. Technically they can't throw me out... but if Mum goes to CPS and reports Tom again she can help decide where I go. For years she's been telling me I can move out of the house when I want to... this December it would actually be legal for me to move out... the only problem is: I have no where to go and even if I could find a place to stay... I don't have enough money for it. Plus, if I move out I'm somewhat... disowned by the family... which means all of my sources of money are cut off from me. I wouldn't legally be able to get a job before I move out because the 'rents refuse to sign the papers... and I'm so ill all the time I need all the extra time to make up missed work.
Another thing - if I move out I have no way to get to my appointments and such for allergy shots and the like... and the extra money Mum slipped me for my own groceries disappears...
Right now I'm just really freakin' confused... everyone in the household is sending mixed signals... Tom hates me couldn't care less about me, Erin doesn't want me to go anywhere, Mum's freakin' bipolar, Sean offered me a spot with him and his roommates down in DC (but I like our schools better, thanks), Grandmum and Gramps are out in Webster (as are the rest of my NY relatives... except the ones in Warsaw) and only have their retirement money to live off of... not to mention they aren't exactly fond of me, I don't want to head to IN with the rest of my family just because their schools are awful compared to ours... and I can't impose on a friend... it's just not something I'd be comfortable with doing...
Mum thinks I need a psychiatrist (again) and is bent on sending me to one if I miss any more school... she thinks I'm avoiding it.... If anything I'd rather avoid HOME. School is some place where I can feel at home... even if for just a little while. Sure, some classes suck, but that's life...
She expects me to have grades 90 and above and she expects me to have all my work done before she comes home... a half hour- hour after I arrive at home. She wants all the housework and all my homework out of site before she returns... and then, when she comes home... she finds something else for me to work on. I rarely get much sleep anymore... when I do it's because I pass out from exhaustion... and when that happens she gets pissed because I'm not sleeping enough.
I hate it here, but I can't exactly just leave. What am I going to do? Live on the side of the road? No. I just have to suck it up and bear with this for another 3 and 3/4 years... then I'm leaving and not looking back.
-sigh- I know, I know... I shouldn't be complaining and I usually don't like to complain, believe me... but I can't stand it here. I'm on the verge of an emotional break down and I have no where... NO ONE to turn to. The only company I have right now is Oreo... and he's not much help. I'm just at the point where I want to find a dark little spot where I can curl up and cry until I can't anymore... It hurts. Not just emotionally anymore... it's a physical pain in my chest...
I just... I needed to vent... and I need someone to talk to...
I don't know what to do anymore...
~Ems~
I know others are worse off than I... but a girl's allowed to complain every now and then... right?
On another note... this morning Mum came to me and said that if I didn't pick up more of the slack around the house (I do everything already) then they'd find somewhere else for me to live until I'm out of high school. Technically they can't throw me out... but if Mum goes to CPS and reports Tom again she can help decide where I go. For years she's been telling me I can move out of the house when I want to... this December it would actually be legal for me to move out... the only problem is: I have no where to go and even if I could find a place to stay... I don't have enough money for it. Plus, if I move out I'm somewhat... disowned by the family... which means all of my sources of money are cut off from me. I wouldn't legally be able to get a job before I move out because the 'rents refuse to sign the papers... and I'm so ill all the time I need all the extra time to make up missed work.
Another thing - if I move out I have no way to get to my appointments and such for allergy shots and the like... and the extra money Mum slipped me for my own groceries disappears...
Right now I'm just really freakin' confused... everyone in the household is sending mixed signals... Tom hates me couldn't care less about me, Erin doesn't want me to go anywhere, Mum's freakin' bipolar, Sean offered me a spot with him and his roommates down in DC (but I like our schools better, thanks), Grandmum and Gramps are out in Webster (as are the rest of my NY relatives... except the ones in Warsaw) and only have their retirement money to live off of... not to mention they aren't exactly fond of me, I don't want to head to IN with the rest of my family just because their schools are awful compared to ours... and I can't impose on a friend... it's just not something I'd be comfortable with doing...
Mum thinks I need a psychiatrist (again) and is bent on sending me to one if I miss any more school... she thinks I'm avoiding it.... If anything I'd rather avoid HOME. School is some place where I can feel at home... even if for just a little while. Sure, some classes suck, but that's life...
She expects me to have grades 90 and above and she expects me to have all my work done before she comes home... a half hour- hour after I arrive at home. She wants all the housework and all my homework out of site before she returns... and then, when she comes home... she finds something else for me to work on. I rarely get much sleep anymore... when I do it's because I pass out from exhaustion... and when that happens she gets pissed because I'm not sleeping enough.
I hate it here, but I can't exactly just leave. What am I going to do? Live on the side of the road? No. I just have to suck it up and bear with this for another 3 and 3/4 years... then I'm leaving and not looking back.
-sigh- I know, I know... I shouldn't be complaining and I usually don't like to complain, believe me... but I can't stand it here. I'm on the verge of an emotional break down and I have no where... NO ONE to turn to. The only company I have right now is Oreo... and he's not much help. I'm just at the point where I want to find a dark little spot where I can curl up and cry until I can't anymore... It hurts. Not just emotionally anymore... it's a physical pain in my chest...
I just... I needed to vent... and I need someone to talk to...
I don't know what to do anymore...
~Ems~
I know others are worse off than I... but a girl's allowed to complain every now and then... right?